Designer No-Nos: 'Smoke & Mirrors'

Have we seen it all? The apex of the ‘Vogue’ and ‘Vanity Fair’ nineties, early aughts; the thumping crescendo of design aspiration on TV shows like ‘Million Dollar Decorators’; then, the inevitable tumble into the Everyperson, mom/daughter duo swingin’ hammers (SO unexpected! A WOMAN WHO KNOWS HOW TO USE A TOOL! How thrilling and unexpected! TV GOLD!), all the houses look the same.

Okay okay okay, I’m not original either - let’s bypass the whole epistemological quandary of what’s first and how and whereby and wherefore - but let’s at least agree that we at least shouldn’t - mightn’t - want to have identical sensibilities and homes and rooms and outfits? There can be only a few of us who are true minimalists, anyway, and the rest of us just keep trying but it may not be quite our speed.

So here we are: in the land of Everyone’s a Winner, Everyone’s a Decorator, and now we have all kinds of blogger mommies or pops painting all kinds of things in their home Skittle, Rainbow Brite colors with cans of spraypaint and wondering why their renderings feel a little wonky. It’s okay, folks -there are adults in the room. Call us. Call designers. We can help you. Or can we? And who’s ‘we,’ anyway?

Designers. Decorators. The Trade. Architects. Whatever. Call us what you like, but we’re not all the same. You’re an adult, too. And while perhaps you cannot differentiate between shades and hues or saturation and tone, and while perhaps you need a designer, you are a consumer - and you really are in charge. There are lots of people who have a natural eye for design and who didn’t go to school, but you guys - I AM BEGGING YOU - BE CAREFUL TO FIND AND RESEARCH AND ASK QUESTIONS OF THE PEOPLE YOU HIRE. ASK THEM TO QUALIFY THEIR OPINIONS. ASK WHY. IT DOES NOT MAKE YOU A BAD PERSON! It makes us work for you - and that’s what we’re here to do, anyway!

I have been at tables with formers bosses and their billion-dollar clients who thought they were ordering a table from Italy only to realize that it is coming from Chicago, from a fabricator down the street; the Principal didn’t even bother to ask if they’d want to source the real thing. He just shrugged and moved on. And in that pregnant little pause, a seed of distrust began to grow. That seed - that moment - is where a client should ask, “Why am I not getting the real thing?”. Why are my color choices being disregarded? Why do you not think corrosion is an issue at a beach house? All of these questions need to be answered, people.

I have worked for and with other designers for years as a sort of ghost-writer designer, and MANY designers either a) lie to their clients about a tile vendor to make a product seem more impressive, b) steamroll the client’s questions to serve their vision and get some pretty pictures, or c) are in the business of Being an Influencer or Being in the Rag Mags of Chicago and trying to be a PERSONALITY. They’re fame and lifestyle-driven and are not driven by the work, the quality, and the relationships.

Look through the fine print. Look beyond the Botoxed lines, the pressed jacket, the sycophancy, the blitz. Run far, far away from people who use the words ‘fabulous,’ ‘chic,’ ‘curate,’ etc. Ask the hard questions. Don’t just fall for a pretty face, guys. The sausage is made by competent, seasoned hands - and we will answer to our boss, our commander - you, the paying client.